hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
