it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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