I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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