we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
