he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
