And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
