Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
