I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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