She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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