I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
