So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
