apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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