End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
