What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
