Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize