So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
