Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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