Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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