How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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