Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
