So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
