Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His hands were made for my vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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