He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
