why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize