I'm lost and stupid without you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
