I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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