I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
