im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
