I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
