it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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