Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
