roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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