My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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