Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
