But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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