Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
