Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
