her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
