I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
