My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Randomize
