Umm I'm too high to move.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
