my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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