I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
