I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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