Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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