The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
