i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
