I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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