the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
