did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
