you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
