Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
