rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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