last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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