Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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