As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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