a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
