Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
