Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
