i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
