Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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