Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
