I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
